I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
