Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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