sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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