Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I can't turn off my feet"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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