Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
