I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
