The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
