I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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