It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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