She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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