i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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