thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
