No, drunk sperm still make babies.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
