dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you told grandpa to call you daddy
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
