isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
