so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
