I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
