please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
