you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize