you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
