im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
