I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
