so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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