Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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