If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
