you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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