she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
