forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize