He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
