dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
