my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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