her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
