so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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