tequila makes me forget i have legs
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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