I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Randomize
