four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
