So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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