We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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