I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
