I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
