It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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