She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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