if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
