Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
