is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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