We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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