She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
