Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
