I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
