i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize