jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize