who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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