was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
