I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
