I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
