Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
