i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
