I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
