Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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