He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
