Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
