Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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