oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
