I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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