I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
