Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
