Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
