He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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