i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
