Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
