it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
