Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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