I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
