Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
