you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Can I color on your dick again?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
