I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
