worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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