My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
