I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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