he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think your dad took our porno
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize