Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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