I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
