Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
