i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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