it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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